Let’s face it. Life is hard. And none of us are without our own set of struggles. When life seems bent on an unending downward spiral it’s easy to become overwhelmed and feel like you’ve failed. You are NOT a failure. Keep reading for my story on struggling with life’s challenges. Plus ten ways to get your head back on track to where it needs to be.
You are not a failure.
What you may see as failures or set backs in your life aren’t failures. They are a part of your journey. They are a learning experience. They are not failures. You are not a failure.
In light of the recent suicides by Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, I wanted to take a break from the usual DIY’s and share some of my life experiences with you. While it’s hard to admit, I’ve often felt like I’ve failed at my life. And I know that many of you have, at some point, also felt like you’ve failed. You are not a failure. And, you are not alone.
Struggling with my setbacks.
Recently I had a marriage fall apart after just six short months. I moved for the sixth time in three years. My blog, which I quit my day job for in February 2017 has failed to grow as quickly as I’d hoped as I struggle to find my footing. I haven’t found the time amidst struggling with the fibromyalgia to even start writing my book.
I feel like I’m drowning in debt. I’ve spent extra money getting started full time on my blog. I made large furniture purchases when I got married – furniture which is now in storage. And I spent more money still when I moved out and had to start over. Money I didn’t have.
On top of all that, I’ve also kind of always felt like a black sheep in my family. I’ve often felt that I wasn’t good enough. I’ve thought that no matter what accomplishments I did make, they were never enough. I’m sure some of you can relate.
Luckily I am now well seasoned emotionally when it comes to starting over. I know it can be done. And I’ve learned so so much along the way.
Learning how to heal.
I’ve been seeing holistic therapist for about six months. (The same amount of time I’ve been legally separated from my husband.) It’s been extremely revealing and I’ve learned a lot.
I’ve learned that no one person can save the world. Sometimes you have to let people in your life go so you can heal yourself first.
I’ve learned how to break those patterns that lead to unhealthy and emotionally destructive relationships.
I’ve learned that success has nothing to do with money or careers. Rather it has everything to do with friendships and happiness.
I’ve learned that opening myself up to the world and all it’s possibilities can help you heal.
I’ve learned – and though there are still days I struggle – that I am not a failure. And neither are you.
You have no idea how much it means to me when I receive random messages from you, my readers. How it keeps me going. How you inspire me to never give up on my dreams. How you push me to try to make that connection and keep giving back. You are the reason I work to share more of myself and my creativity in tandem through my blog – and my life.
When I was a child I always juggled between the hope of three careers – an artist, a teacher and a writer. Soap Deli News has given me the opportunity to be all three of those things. And with that I’ve found that success, for me, also comes in being able to inspire others.
Therefore I encourage you to look at your life. Really look at it. And transition back to those simple things that make your heart feel full. Then, you too, will see for yourself, that no matter what, you are NOT a failure.
Ten tips for getting your mojo back.
#1. If it’s not work related, toss out everyone else’s expectations of you. Your life is what you want it to be, not what others think it should be.
#2. Cut out toxic and unhealthy relationships in your life. Friends and significant others should be there to lift you up, not tear you down. (My therapist recommended the book, Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life, which you may find helpful depending on your situation.)
#3. Repeat a positive mantra in your head. If you feel down, repeat to yourself “I am not a failure.” “I’m a beautiful person.” “I am worthy.” Whatever is the opposite of how you feel. Over time it will start to sink you – kind of like hypnosis – and you’ll believe it.
#4. It’s okay to be angry. Find a healthy way to let it out rather then keeping it bottled up.
One of the local artist I know gathers her friends and they all smash thrift store dishes against a brick wall to release pent up emotions. (Just remember you will need to clean up afterwards.)
#5. It’s ok to feel sad. Like anger, you don’t want to keep that sadness bottled up either. Let it out.
I personally struggle with bottling up my emotions. Therefore I complete what I call my “emotionally cleansing” when everything seems like it’s too much to handle. I sit in the shower and cry until there aren’t any tears left. Then, when it’s over, I feel better. Like I’ve washed all that negative energy, depression and frustration down the drain with the water.
#6. Take supplements. Magnesium and ashwagandha root are both great natural supplements that can help you better cope with stress.
As I’m over 40 and going through perimenopause, ashwagandha not only aids with healthy stress response, it also helps to stabilize my hormones, stop hot flashes and minimizes overly emotional responses due to my body’s hormonal changes.
#7. Go for a walk. If you can get out of the city and into nature to do so, all the better. Studies have shown that something as simple as a walk raises serotonin levels more than SSRI class drugs meant to treat anxiety and depression.
#8. “It could always be worse.” This is the phrase that pushed me through when I was in so much physical pain from the fibro, I ended up in the ER in tears.
Sometimes you have to change your perspective to realize that as tough as your life is, someone always has it worse. This is not to downplay your feelings or situation, of course. Rather realizing that it really could be worse can help you grasp that you really can survive whatever life throws at you.
It’s also a great reminder that no matter how alone you feel in your personal struggles, you really aren’t alone.
#9. Connect. Reach out to your friends or family when things get tough. Don’t worry that you’re going to be a burden. You’re not. Your inner circle is there because they love you. And that means they are there for you when you need help – even if it’s just to listen.
#10. Seek help. If you still aren’t able to pull yourself out of your funk, you may want to consider seeking professional counseling. If you are uninsured, have an outrageous deductible or simply can’t afford counseling there is an alternative.
My holistic therapist is part of the Open Path Psychology Collective. Formed to offer affordable counseling for those who otherwise cannot afford it, this collective allows you to see any participating counselor within the network for just $30-$50 a session. You simply pay a one time fee of $49. You are then able to see anyone your choose within the network for the lowered rate for as long as you need. (In my case I pay half, or $50 per session.)
Because your membership never expires, you can stop, start or switch counselors at any time as your needs change. You can learn more about the Open Path Collective here as well as search for a therapist in your area.
Remember, you are not a failure. (And one more time.) You are not a failure. You are amazing.
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About Rebecca D. Dillon